blinded & burdened

i realized recently that most of my posts are a little on the heavy side. i'm not the type of blogger who has witty and clever stories to write, nor do i have funny life stories to share with you. i have what is bouncing around in my mind and my heart, dying for a place to land... and that place just so happens to be this blog. so, take it for what it is-- and for what it isn't.


Lately, the Lord has been moving in quite uncomfortable ways in me. (I'm not sure if you can relate, but since the Lord lives in me, I feel like sometimes He makes His presence more known than at other times-- maybe like a little fetus kicking my ribs, but I don't know too much about all that!) Anyways, it seems like He is pushing my heart up closer to my eyes and then back into my brain. Know that feeling? Yeah, it's painful.

My worldview is constantly changing-- and much more quickly in the past year and a half post-graduation. Allow me to explain this: My view of the world and its suffering is broadening. I know it's the work of the Holy Spirit, but I'm not sure I can attribute this change to specific events or blinding lights on the road to Damascus. Instead, it has been walking blindly every day. What has this looked like for me? Trust in God for "micro" things: jobs, money, mending of relationships. And to trust in God for "macro" things: repair Haiti, repair Chile, repair Afghanistan... that the One who created the universe has a plan for this broken shell of a girl living in Charlotte and a plan for the depravity, homelessness, poverty, disease, war, sex trafficking, and general brokenness of humankind around the world.

I'm not at all sure where God will take me, how He plans on using me, or why He even cares (some days)... but I am so thankful to be His and will continue to struggle through what it means to be a holy & beautiful daughter in the sight of my Loving Father.