dressed in gentleness

this isn't written by me, but i often wish i could put together words like Henri Nouwen. i read this specific devotion almost every day and wanted to share it publicly, because gentleness is something i really admire in people. this is taken from Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.

Dressed in Gentleness

Once in a while we meet a gentle person. Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness. We are encouraged to get things done and to get them done fast, even when people get hurt in the process. Success, accomplishment, and productivity count. But the cost is high. There is no place for gentleness in such a milieu.

Gentle is the one who does "not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick" (Matthew 12:20). Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something. A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let's dress ourselves with gentleness. In our tough and often unbending world our gentleness can be a vivid reminder of the presence of God among us.

christmas thoughts

HAPPY HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!!  i am so blest to see so much family in one day!  the highlight of my day was watching my 16 month old nephew open gifts. although he doesn't yet understand the concept of unwrapping gifts, he sure did like what was inside. he would open a book and want to read it immediately. we joked that out of all his fancy gifts, he loved the matchbox cars the best-- simple, inexpensive, classic toys.

i also exchanged emails with a dear friend today about the Dec. 24 reading from My Utmost for His Highest. one specific line from it was, "The most dangerous and unsure thing is to try to live without God."   it reminded me that God is with me (Immanuel) and was a refreshing devotion to take in this morning. my friend's response was spot on: "It is Christmas and I am lost in presents and video games and movies and noise and I need Jesus to fill me. He is the only stable, sure, worthwhile thing there is."

my nephew was a picture of how i ought to be not only on Christmas, but every day. my focus should be first and foremost on Christ. nothing else will fill me or offer me the security like my Heavenly Father. i leave you with an excerpt from the aforementioned reading. 

It is virtually impossible to doubt when He is there. Every time you are in personal contact with Jesus, His words are real to you. “My peace I give to you . . .” (John 14:27)— a peace which brings an unconstrained confidence and covers you completely, from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. “. . . your life is hidden with Christ in God,” and the peace of Jesus Christ that cannot be disturbed has been imparted to you.

new specs!

hi there! most of my time & energy is spent on the painting a day blog, and so this one is getting a bit neglected.

since this is my personal one, i feel the freedom to post a photo of my new glasses. they make me feel smart and comfortable.

"have you painted recently?"

well, yes, i've been working on a little project. as mentioned in the post below, i started painting something new & it should last a year! so, to all my friends & family who have been asking, "Have you painted recently?" for the past 2 years, this is for you! i can now answer honestly. and i'm starting to feel less & less that my art degree has gone to waste!

since my newpaintingaday blog is a forum for that specific project, i thought i'd post a recent painting here. i haven't painted with oils since 2007, so i decided to pick them up. i finished this before i began the 365-day project. it's a (very unfinished) self-portrait. maybe one day i'll finish it. :)

30x18" oil on MDF.

a painting a day

just a heads-up to my followers, i am beginning a new project (& blog to accompany it).

hope you enjoy!

love,
tiff

flavors.me!

hi folks,

check out my temporary design "website" until the fully customized one gets up & running.

http://flavors.me/tiffanys

name change

I recently changed my blog's name from "MI VIDA LOCA" to "mabel's couch." Not only was it time for a little change, but "mabel's couch" signifies much more to me.

Mabel was an old family friend who passed away a few years ago. Upon her death, I "inherited" her couches. Really, I was the only one who wanted them. You see, they're seafoam green and old, retro style, with a very synthetic material covering them. And for some reason, i LOVE them. I think they're beautiful. They have these wide, flat armrests that can hold drinks and plates and bowls and books. Also, the couch also doubles as a bed- which, of course, is useful.

Back to the blog-- since I spend most of my time reading, writing, & generally living on this seafoam sofa, I figured it would be a good name change.

"I got a lot of poop in my pants"

You would think I'd post more stories from 3 months of nannying, but I usually share them so don't feel the need to write them.

There are several gospel moments during my day with 3 kiddos. One particular day, a little one had an accident in his pants (which unfortunately isn't uncommon). He came up to me and reported, "I got a lot of poop in my pants." Sometimes, I am very good at keeping straight faces at moments like these, but I couldn't control myself this time... and burst into laughter.

As I was cleaning up the situation [insert Jersey Shore joke here], I couldn't help but think how innocent and sweet it was that he told me about his accident. He told me immediately, directly, plainly, and trusted that I knew what to do to clean him up.

How often do I do that with God? I usually do not immediately tell the Lord when I mess up, trusting that He is both good to forgive and great to change me.

At that time Jesus said, "I praise You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants."
Matthew 11:25

reconciled

17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. 21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven...

Colossians 1:12-29

Mirriam-Webster defines reconcile as
"to restore to friendship or harmony" or
"to cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant."

Both these definitions really describe my past year. In retrospect, I think my 25th year of life has been pretty easy and pleasant. Friendships have evolved, like usual, but there have been two key friendships that have changed and continue to be sanctifying relationships.

We'll call the first friend "Sally." She and I have known one another for almost 5 years I guess. We learned about the Lord together and have many mutual friends. However, there was always an unidentifiable wedge in our friendship; something was missing. Once we began becoming closer friends is when I began to get hurt by her. At first it was something petty like not being invited into a small Bible study she started. Upon confronting Sally about this matter, she said that there wasn't room for me. Rejection... by one of my best friends. I dismissed this and pushed Sally back a few more feet from my heart. Another thing happened where I realized she hadn't told me the entire truth and just didn't care. Then, a few other painful times when she consistently chose her relationships with guys over me. Ouch... rejection again. And, over several years, I noticed a pattern in Sally's life of unintentionally hurting friends. After many confrontations, nothing changed in her life.... so I forgave her for the hurt she had caused me, and chose to "accept something unpleasant," and just surrender this relationship to the Lord.

The second story is about a guy named "Jack." We used to be really good friends. Then, after a series of events, our friendship went downhill really quickly and ended abruptly... and I was treated pretty poorly afterward. After that, we tried to make amends, but not much changed. Then, several years later, what seemed like all of a sudden, Jack contacted me and sincerely apologized for being mean. After having given up on our relationship completely, I feel as if God gifted me with it once again. The Lord, Creator of the Universe and the One who lives inside of me, continues to enlarge my heart and increase my faith. Lord-willing, this relationship with Jack is being restored to friendship, despite all the past hurt and painful memories.

The beauty in these two stories is that neither is perfect. Yes, there are glimpses of glory in each of them, but they are nothing like our Holy God reconciling us to Himself. Jesus came in order to make us holy and pure before God. Jesus made peace with God for us through dying on the cross. He submitted to that which was unpleasant to restore the harmony between the Creation and the Creator that was present before the Fall.

I continue to choose to remember that the Lord is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.

Be encouraged, my friends, relationships can be restored on this side of heaven... our prime example is our reconciliation with the Faithful One! Continue to pray, don't lose heart, persevere, fight the good fight.

(Another good passage to read: Joshua 1.)

blinded & burdened

i realized recently that most of my posts are a little on the heavy side. i'm not the type of blogger who has witty and clever stories to write, nor do i have funny life stories to share with you. i have what is bouncing around in my mind and my heart, dying for a place to land... and that place just so happens to be this blog. so, take it for what it is-- and for what it isn't.


Lately, the Lord has been moving in quite uncomfortable ways in me. (I'm not sure if you can relate, but since the Lord lives in me, I feel like sometimes He makes His presence more known than at other times-- maybe like a little fetus kicking my ribs, but I don't know too much about all that!) Anyways, it seems like He is pushing my heart up closer to my eyes and then back into my brain. Know that feeling? Yeah, it's painful.

My worldview is constantly changing-- and much more quickly in the past year and a half post-graduation. Allow me to explain this: My view of the world and its suffering is broadening. I know it's the work of the Holy Spirit, but I'm not sure I can attribute this change to specific events or blinding lights on the road to Damascus. Instead, it has been walking blindly every day. What has this looked like for me? Trust in God for "micro" things: jobs, money, mending of relationships. And to trust in God for "macro" things: repair Haiti, repair Chile, repair Afghanistan... that the One who created the universe has a plan for this broken shell of a girl living in Charlotte and a plan for the depravity, homelessness, poverty, disease, war, sex trafficking, and general brokenness of humankind around the world.

I'm not at all sure where God will take me, how He plans on using me, or why He even cares (some days)... but I am so thankful to be His and will continue to struggle through what it means to be a holy & beautiful daughter in the sight of my Loving Father.

a prayer for the broken hearted

dedicated to family and friends of Aimee Powell, a sweet girl now resting in the arms of our Heavenly Father.

(an Indelible Grace song sung by Chelsey Scott)

A Prayer for the Broken Hearted

No day in my life has past
That hasn't proved me guilty;
Prayers are uttered too fast
From a heart that's cold and empty.

Oh blessed Jesus,
May we find a covert in Thy wounds;
Though our sins, they rise to meet us,
How they fall next to the merits of you.

Oh, all in me calls for this,
It calls for my rejection;
This heavy unrighteousness,
Oh, is there no protection?

My best services are rags;
My best deeds are filthy.

Grant me hear Thy shoring voice,
That in Thy wounds is pardon;
Grant me see Thy willing choice
To make my hard heart softened.

Keep the broken-hearted sure,
Clinging to Thy cross, our cure.

Oh blessed Jesus,
May we find a covert in Thy wounds;
Though our sins, they rise to meet us,
How they fall next to the merits of you.

christmas card 2009

Most of you reading this post will have received my Christmas card, with a link to my blog on it.

work: I am still learning something new every day about dental anatomy, making crowns and bridges, and I even got a good report last week! So, after 3 months, I think I'm finally catching on. Below is my "report card."

("near perfect"... hooray!)

home: oh, Allen Street, our home sweet home! Caroline and I almost forgot how vacant the street becomes once the cold weather sweeps in. It's bittersweet, because although our street is mostly quiet, we don't get to see all our favorite neighbors as much. The fence is serving its purpose and preventing folks from going into our back yard.

(me & caroline at a mute math concert)

church: the Lord is using Christ Central to constantly encourage and challenge me. I'm very thankful for my community group and the youth group especially. The teenage girls I get to be spend time with are such a delight and blessing. I'm so happy to be staying in Charlotte and be with them more.

(me & youth group girls)

family: Darla's college volleyball team went to nationals this year. Tj is changing schools. Mandy & Jacob are learning how to manage work with new baby Davis. Davis is the cutest ever and is a joy to be around. I never knew I could love a baby this much!! Momma is staying busy from keeping Davis during the day- any grandmother's dream!! Dad is staying busy researching good real estate deals in the area.

(davis- he's so stinkin cute!)

school: I'm hopefully going to be taking a seminary class next semester. I'm waiting on my acceptance into Reformed Theological Seminary (RTS).

thank you for taking time out to read this.

winter, the hated season.

winter falls between december 20 & march 20....

why is winter my favorite?

- the air feels clean. something about the cold makes it crisp and non-humid and it feels good to breathe in.

- layers! i love scarves, sweaters, coats, boots, gloves, hats... and wearing 15 layers. it's so much fun to get bundled up & it makes outfits more interesting. i have an easier time putting together outfits during winter.

- christmas. that means advent, family all together, gifts, generosity, parties, happy people, good moods. and celebrating Jesus' birth collectively.

- new year's! i looooove parties, people, dressing up, sparkly things... and that's what new year's is. plus, it offers a fresh start, makes people set goals and evaluate their lives.

- my birthday!!!!! haha.... seriously, though, i love birthdays and parties and gifts, especially mine.

christmas!!!!

you might be thinking,

"gee, tiff, it's a little early for a post on christmas."

.... and i would have to agree, but i will continue nevertheless.

you see, i'm not the usual type to get very hyped up about holidays (other than my birthday of course!). i understand it sounds selfish or scroogish or strange, but the way i look at it, i'm giving others more room to be excited since i'm not.

however, this year is different! i am beyond thrilled about christmas season!!!!

i don't know what hit me, but i want to decorate everything. i've already bought a real tree and am continuing to decorate the house, and i smell christmas smells at random points during the day. like right now, i smell peanut butter cookies (my momma always makes these at christmas). and, confession: i even have a crush on my christmas tree salesman (he was attractive, but i think it's because he has one of the most exciting jobs to me right now!).

i'm sorry

this post is dedicated to all my friends who apologize too much- i'm sure i've probably told you.

it's been a tough lesson for me that at the beginning a new job, there is a learning curve. i just want to immediately be great at everything. this i-need-to-ask-someone-what-to-do-next feeling is quite annoying. i want to be independent, for goodness sake!

and so, in my new job, 97% of everything i do is something new to be learned. yikes! needless to say, i make many mistakes, so i find myself apologizing numerous times during the day. granted, these are much-needed and sincere apologies (unlike those crazy-nice people who apologize all the time!). however, i hate apologizing at work now... the words feel so empty. i wish there was something else i could say or do to make it better.

i'm not sure why this was the tradition in my house growing up, but i just didn't apologize much to my family. i guess it could've been because i didn't do anything to hurt anyone, but if you know me you'd probably disagree. in all seriousness, i think we were scared to admit our wrong, admit our hurt, and sit in that awkward or painful emotion. i think i was also scared to not be forgiven, so i just avoided the difficult beauty of forgiveness and instead chose to ignore the other person's wound.

this also hinders me from entering in to true confession and repentance to my Heavenly Father. He calls me and expects me to say "i'm sorry" regularly. and He promises to forgive me and still loves me every time i hurt Him. i'm so so thankful for a loving Father who prepared a way for me to come to Him and apologize.... and has left the Spirit to guide me into a deeper understanding of this phenomenon.

staying put

Recently I've been thinking a lot about the value of staying in one place for years.... thanks to a few wise friends, the thought of investing in where I am for a little while really does make sense. It's strange to even write that, because I love change and moving and new adventures and excitement... and, not to mention, I would love to be overseas right now. However, I want to be obedient to the Lord. I know that as I'm seeking Him, I won't miss out... and missing out is ultimately what I fear.

And so, I hope that I will continue to see value in being in Charlotte, investing in friendships here, my church, the youth, my job, and still feed my desire for newness in other ways. It's so easy to just pack up & move away and start over somewhere else.... it's much more difficult in my generation to STAY. My goodness, I can't even sit still for 5 minutes....

Thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit and peace that passes all my understanding. He is good. Reminds me of my favorite psalm:

Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

(psalm 37:3-5)

isaiah

my community group is breezing through the book of isaiah right now, and i cannot put to words all that i'm gaining from reading this prophet's writings. one thing i want to talk about is the theme of redemption. God's redemption. His love surpasses our comprehension. the beauty of His redemption, as modeled in isaiah, is that He first destroys that which he rebuilds. it's written throughout much of scripture, but is very obvious when you read chapters in isaiah. the book has taken me on quite the emotional journey, because the Lord is promising His wrath of doom and destruction on His people, and then promises to redeem, rebuild, and restore them.... to restore us. i want so badly to say that the Lord is judging and vengeful against my enemies only, but really He has already taken His wrath (that i deserved) out on His Son, Jesus. instead, the Lord simply asks me to wait on Him and hope for that salvation that's coming when Jesus returns. trust in the Lord's faithfulness (which He has shown throughout history), and do not rely on my futile attempts to save myself.

i'm so so thankful for where the Lord has me right now. although i feel a little trapped in committing to be in Charlotte for some years, i'm pretty confident it's where God has me. i'm simply grateful that HE HAS ME. the Lord, Creator of Heaven and Earth, wipes the tears from my eyes, holds my hand, and prepares a way for me to walk in. thank you, My Savior.

somebody's baby

this hit home.

strength & song

a little study on the Lord as our strength. Caroline and i are teaching children's church this month and it's been about the Israelites. We've taught them how good God is to them despite their ignorance, disobedience, and "whining" all the time. i had the kids practice whining and it was so annoying.... but that's what the Lord hears from me all the time and is still so patient and gracious. i pray i can be like that towards those around me and that i will thank God for being so kind to protect me no matter how i am to Him.


Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.

2 Samuel 22:33 God arms me with strength. His perfect way sets me free.

Psalms 22:19 But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.

Psalms 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalms 118:14 The LORD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation.

Isaiah 12:2 Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; For the LORD GOD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation.

Habakkuk 3:19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

old bagels into bread pudding!

friends of mine were about to throw away 15 stale bagels from bruegger's.... i hate waste, so i was brainstorming what could be done with them:
- croutons?
- feed the birds outside?
- give them to my neighbors?
- feed the geese at UNCC?
- feed the cats at UNCC?
- feed the college students at UNCC? :)

although it was a tough decision, none of these quite made the cut as soon as i thought of BREAD PUDDING!

you should know, i've never made bread pudding, but after perusing recipes, i decided that stale bagels just might work. and if they don't, then i don't have much to lose.

so, i just put it in the oven and will hopefully present a picture of it in about 30 minutes when it comes out-- only if it's a success!

here's the recipe i used

my end result is yummier than it looks!!