christmas!!!!

you might be thinking,

"gee, tiff, it's a little early for a post on christmas."

.... and i would have to agree, but i will continue nevertheless.

you see, i'm not the usual type to get very hyped up about holidays (other than my birthday of course!). i understand it sounds selfish or scroogish or strange, but the way i look at it, i'm giving others more room to be excited since i'm not.

however, this year is different! i am beyond thrilled about christmas season!!!!

i don't know what hit me, but i want to decorate everything. i've already bought a real tree and am continuing to decorate the house, and i smell christmas smells at random points during the day. like right now, i smell peanut butter cookies (my momma always makes these at christmas). and, confession: i even have a crush on my christmas tree salesman (he was attractive, but i think it's because he has one of the most exciting jobs to me right now!).

i'm sorry

this post is dedicated to all my friends who apologize too much- i'm sure i've probably told you.

it's been a tough lesson for me that at the beginning a new job, there is a learning curve. i just want to immediately be great at everything. this i-need-to-ask-someone-what-to-do-next feeling is quite annoying. i want to be independent, for goodness sake!

and so, in my new job, 97% of everything i do is something new to be learned. yikes! needless to say, i make many mistakes, so i find myself apologizing numerous times during the day. granted, these are much-needed and sincere apologies (unlike those crazy-nice people who apologize all the time!). however, i hate apologizing at work now... the words feel so empty. i wish there was something else i could say or do to make it better.

i'm not sure why this was the tradition in my house growing up, but i just didn't apologize much to my family. i guess it could've been because i didn't do anything to hurt anyone, but if you know me you'd probably disagree. in all seriousness, i think we were scared to admit our wrong, admit our hurt, and sit in that awkward or painful emotion. i think i was also scared to not be forgiven, so i just avoided the difficult beauty of forgiveness and instead chose to ignore the other person's wound.

this also hinders me from entering in to true confession and repentance to my Heavenly Father. He calls me and expects me to say "i'm sorry" regularly. and He promises to forgive me and still loves me every time i hurt Him. i'm so so thankful for a loving Father who prepared a way for me to come to Him and apologize.... and has left the Spirit to guide me into a deeper understanding of this phenomenon.

staying put

Recently I've been thinking a lot about the value of staying in one place for years.... thanks to a few wise friends, the thought of investing in where I am for a little while really does make sense. It's strange to even write that, because I love change and moving and new adventures and excitement... and, not to mention, I would love to be overseas right now. However, I want to be obedient to the Lord. I know that as I'm seeking Him, I won't miss out... and missing out is ultimately what I fear.

And so, I hope that I will continue to see value in being in Charlotte, investing in friendships here, my church, the youth, my job, and still feed my desire for newness in other ways. It's so easy to just pack up & move away and start over somewhere else.... it's much more difficult in my generation to STAY. My goodness, I can't even sit still for 5 minutes....

Thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit and peace that passes all my understanding. He is good. Reminds me of my favorite psalm:

Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

(psalm 37:3-5)

isaiah

my community group is breezing through the book of isaiah right now, and i cannot put to words all that i'm gaining from reading this prophet's writings. one thing i want to talk about is the theme of redemption. God's redemption. His love surpasses our comprehension. the beauty of His redemption, as modeled in isaiah, is that He first destroys that which he rebuilds. it's written throughout much of scripture, but is very obvious when you read chapters in isaiah. the book has taken me on quite the emotional journey, because the Lord is promising His wrath of doom and destruction on His people, and then promises to redeem, rebuild, and restore them.... to restore us. i want so badly to say that the Lord is judging and vengeful against my enemies only, but really He has already taken His wrath (that i deserved) out on His Son, Jesus. instead, the Lord simply asks me to wait on Him and hope for that salvation that's coming when Jesus returns. trust in the Lord's faithfulness (which He has shown throughout history), and do not rely on my futile attempts to save myself.

i'm so so thankful for where the Lord has me right now. although i feel a little trapped in committing to be in Charlotte for some years, i'm pretty confident it's where God has me. i'm simply grateful that HE HAS ME. the Lord, Creator of Heaven and Earth, wipes the tears from my eyes, holds my hand, and prepares a way for me to walk in. thank you, My Savior.